Sunday, May 6, 2007

to Pare...

060507

20.54

No. I’m not ok.

I’m doing this because I cant keep it to myself, oh sige say I possess that ‘strong personality’ and I am matigas, pero human din ako and it’s not easy… you think it is?? It’s up to you…

Before anything else, anyone from *tae who will be reading this, please I don’t want to hear damn from you regarding this, just keep it to us… anyway, you are one of the taes after all, right…

This is for Pare *you know who you are*, you know what just happened earlier and what will happen to us from now on… Alam mong hindi ako ganun kadaldal pagdating sa labasan ng expressions, I know you noticed na wala akong masabi, I’m just giving reactions… and that’s all… You don’t know what my side is…. I don’t care either you read this or not… as if you care anymore… I want to take this out or I’ll die.

Kala mo ganun kadali nung sabihin kong ‘wag ka ng tumawag’, alam kong alam mo it means goodbye… or… badbye??? Halos manginig boses ko… It was not easy. Ang hirap. Di mo lang alam… oh sige ako na yung walang alam… Do you realize what you have said to me? “Minsan ka lang masaktan, ang dami mo pang reklamo…” “Maglaro ka lang, buhay ka na…” tsss… tang inang yan… how can you judge me like that…… nanliit ako dun ah…

And katulad nga ng sinabi ko sayo, bakit kelangan mo pang ulit ulitin sakin na sinaktan kita… damn bilang mo pa… 3x ba yun?! Di ako makapaniwalang sa lahat ng friends ko, ikaw pa magsasabi sakin ng ganun… how dare you ipamukha sakin yun! Kinokonsensya mo ko… oo alam ko ginawa ko yun, pero shet naman di mo lang isang beses inulit ulit sakin yan….. Di madali kung alam mong may nasaktan kang iba, tapos pilit mo pang pinapaalala…

‘Pwede kahit minsan lang.. ibaba mo naman pride mo.. ang taas taas mo’ – line mo yan… ginawa ko na yan… kung di mo napansin well problema ko ba yun? May narinig ka ba saken? Did I said wala kang kwenta… I never said that, ikaw lang nagsabi nun… Did I said something about your attitude… did I criticize you heart? Did I tease you when your hurt? All I know was I just listen and answer all your questions, I stay quiet pag wala akong masabi or I choose to hide what I should say.. I’m not a person of words, I may not be that expressive but hey at least I’m giving you the best words I can give…no words… Or should I say the best reaction I can give… no reaction… If they aren’t enough, sorry…

Okay sige… ok lang yun… wala na saken yun eh nagsorry ka na naman… that’s all I wanted to hear, or even if you didn’t say so… you are forgiven na… and ayokong isa isahin pa mga sinabi mo, ayaw kita konsensyahin, and ayaw ko na ipaalala baka makasakit na naman ako… Oo naging matigas ako kausap ngayon para makatulong yun, I know you’ll hate me… mas okay un para mas madali… Okay na yun, gusto ko na nga makipagbati sa totoo lang, pero napag isip isip ko na… nakakaistorbo na ko… so I stand back…

The real reason is that, I choose to end what we have because it seems I’m bothering you both… oo siya nga, your life… and ayoko ng ganun… hindi sa nagjejelly ako or something… that’s stupid of me… I know I have caused you and your life a few fights, and selos moments… it doesn’t feel okay anymore on my side, knowing na ganun… I feel like pang gulo lang ako, I don’t want to ruin anyone’s relationship… that is why I decided to give up our friendship… wala eh, wala na kong maisip na ibang mas effective way to stay us tight… so I took the opposite side… mahirap… alam kong di ka naniniwala na mahirap pero mahirap talaga yun, kasi nakikita mo na parang wala lang saken para di ka na rin mahirapan… I am not that helpful for you anymore, I’m sorry for giving you troubles… Masakit toh saken pero… alam kong kaya mo… kahit wala ako… sus as if na parang kawalan ako sayo… ang bad ko di ba… para satin din toh…

Sooner or later, you will realize then you would say ‘I don’t need pare, she just pisses us off’… and then you would say to yourself na ‘laking tulong ni pare nung nawala sya, mas naging better pa life ko’…. Well, I only wish you the best… Di ako galit.. I hope you get my point… and you try to understand why I did that….This is all for the sake of us and the people around us…

Hmm… I think I have said it all, nice and straight… Pasensya na hindi ako ganun kagaling mag express, and hindi ganun kadali ilabas… marami namang nakakaalam na I’m a person who hides everything, unless you ask me… etoh lang talaga medyo di ko kinaya.. its funny but I almost cry… kaya nilabas ko na agad dito, coz I was like telling myself na I won’t cry and regret because this is what I chose…

So there… haayyy… shet para akong nakatae.. hehe… Notice medyo brawny yung emotion impact ng lines ko, gusto ko lang talaga ilabas… wala akong ibang paglalabasan eh… ayoko naman tumae kasi di ako natatae… and I think mas ok na dito, kasi kung sino man toh sa friends ko I have to start the story from scratch, eh di naman talaga ganun ang purpose ko dito… wala naman talaga ako pinagkkwentuhan kundi papel…

Oh yah.. thanks pare for all you’ve done wrong and right of course, for making me happy… for cheering me up… for your help… for all texts, calls, and visits… for your ice cream on my birthday *un oh*.. thank you sa cap….. for all the fights you’ve given me… for your muahugs.. *ahehehe* … for always being there… for your kwentong barbero and everything… for your care… I really appreciate when you always say I’m special, thank you… hmm… anu pa ba… hmmm…. For all the moments.. and memories… basta salamat sa lahat… and sorry for what I did wrong, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just want you to learn and stay happy… I want you to be happy…*naks totoo yan* and this is the only way… Mamimiss kita ng sobra… you nailed a place in my heart as always… *^_^* take care …

Thank you and I’m sorry… *muahugs*

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