Sunday, July 23, 2006

a Sin.... a Gift...

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a Sin, a Gift.

It’s been a long time since we’ve shared our moments together as one family. Those are the days that I still keep on my head until now that I’m away from mommy and daddy.

I remember the days when they don’t have me yet, when they spend most of their time together. Watching movies, hugging each other, saying ‘I love you’ until all the things around comprises their love. They were both happy and enjoying what teen lives can offer. I was so happy too seeing the love they shared and was very excited to feel that love from them. I can’t wait for so long to meet them, I even ask Him to make it early just to meet my mom and dad.

Their love became stronger as time passed by, became passionate, and more often did what’s beyond their limitation. They can’t help it. They can’t control it anymore. Their love caused an early sin, an early gift. So I came.

Six weeks I live with mommy before she realized that I am with her. When the time that she knew her self-pregnancy-test result, her nerves run through mine. I felt the coldness and fear passed within me for the first time. I was afraid like mommy. She was crying and I watched her as she did so for that was the only thing I can do in that time. Then she held me close to her, I was relieved.

Mommy told daddy that I am with her. Daddy got angry. They fought each other and they made a long fight that I myself got bored. I felt asleep in the middle of it. I was awakened hearing dad’s words to mom, “Don’t worry. It’s okay. I still love you”. He was hugging her while holding me. That was the most precious moment of my life.

Weeks after weeks, things just have gotten better and better. I thought things would be okay until the first day mommy will hold my hands, but I was wrong. All of my future imaginations are gone when I reached my 4th month.

Mom went to dad’s home to have a visit, also to tell grandma and grandpa that I am coming. A letter was given to mommy when we arrive there. Grandma and grandpa told my mom that my dad left that letter for her. Mom opened it, and she read it slowly..

Baby,

I can’t.

I’m sorry.

Mom couldn’t believe for what she has read. She sat there for a couple of minutes, holding the letter, reading it over and over again, until she realized it was wet by her teardrops. Dad was gone. She stood and ran away from the door leaving my grandpa and grandma without a word or two. She ran as fast as she can. She drew thousand of tears while running and I… I was so scared. I hold to mom as tight as I can while trying to stop her, but she can’t hear me nor she didn’t notice me at all. As she continued to run, my home which protects me is starting to shatter, I still hold on. After a minute, blood was running through me and trying to carry me away from my grip, I was so scared that my grip becomes tighter. Suddenly, mom stopped and felt my existence at last. She was in a harsh pain, so am I. After a few moments, we were on a hospital. Mister Doctor and Miss Nurse rushed us to a room full of lights and machines, it’s an emergency room. Mom was hardly bleeding and I can barely breath. I seek for an air but there was none, I heard mom’s calling me… “Baby!!”… I hold to mom once more, searching for some air to breathe. Suddenly, my grip becomes lighter then I realized that blood is carrying me away, I can’t help it anymore. I saw light when I slipped out from her, for the first time I saw my mom’s face, she was like me. “Baby!!” she said. I was so happy that time, she was crying, I can’t feel my body… I look to her for the last time then… I felt to asleep.

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